last minute airport shopping

About a week and a half ago I went a little trip to my dad's for a quick visit. I stay in Glasgow and he lives in England near London, so I don't get to see him very often, if at all really. The visit was kind of a disaster, but I did manage to have a good nosey through the duty free before the flight on the way home. Nothing like a bit of retail therapy after spending time with family to cheer you up. Plus, the airport was insanely busy and I was bored just waiting around.

I didn't go wild as I'm trying to put a bit of money aside for savings. I bought two books and two beauty bits. The first book I bought was Get Your Sh*t together by Sarah Knight. I've read her other book so many times, The Life-Changing Magic of Not Giving a F**k, which is a very good and lighthearted read about how to control exactly how much fucks you can give to a certain situation before you need to pull away from it. This time it's about organising your life and essentially getting your shit together to get exactly what you need to get done and doing it now.

The second book I bought was Find Calm by Anna Barnes. It's basically a little book full of meaningful quotes, tips and tricks to remain calm whilst under pressure of stress. I haven't finished this one, I've been picking it up here or there and reading a few passages but I think that's sometimes the way these books are meant to be read, in small chunks at a time.

As usual, I ended up wandering around all the beauty bits and found the Origins counter. I had used a sample of the charcoal mask before and remembered loving it so decided to buy a full size one. I've only used it once and so far I can't tell if it's working. I've came out in a lot of spots and blemishes but I don't know if that's because it's bringing out any imperfections to the skins surface? I'm also drinking a lot more water now so again that might be affecting it slightly. Who knows, I'll keep going with it anyway.

I also bought another Molton Brown hand cream as I absolutely adore them! I usually get the rhubarb and rose one but I couldn't find it there so bought the pink pepperpod instead which also smells so good. A little goes a long way with these little tubes as well, one will generally last me about 4-6 weeks before I need another.

I love duty free, I'm already looking into flights again soon, so maybe there will be some more buys shortly. There's also something I love about flying, it's just so peaceful and serene. I always get a window seat so I can stare out the window to the clouds and watch the ground disappear below me and I very rarely get out my seat once my seatbelt is on anyway. Hopefully next time I fly it won't be met with disastrous family get-togethers.

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I'm 26 and I don't know what I'm doing

On Sunday I turned 26. The weekend before I had a full breakdown on my couch about my life, specifically, my professional life, or lack thereof.

I never thought with all my plans as a child and a teenager that I'd be sat on my couch crying my eyes out worrying that I'm working in a dead end job, with no career prospects and no foot in the door as to what I want to do with my life. I mean, aren't you supposed to decide that in high school? Primary school, even? I wanted to be vet until I came to the conclusion that I couldn't put an animal to sleep or else I'd spend the rest of my life constantly heartbroken. I then decided I wanted to be a singer and my dad put a stop to that. I wanted to be an artist after that but again, "there's no money in art", according to my dad.

So I spent the last few years of my teenage life studying a subject I had little to no interest in before deciding that maybe it wasn't for me and strolled into a full time job. Don't get me wrong, I have enjoyed living a lifestyle of never really wanting anything, because I could go out and buy it. Between my income and Craig's we've been living a pretty comfortable life the last few years.

But it's not enough any more. I literally wake up every morning and think about quitting over and over again because I don't want to be there. The thought of spending eight hours a day being yelled at down the phone genuinely makes me feel so anxious to the point where I consider just not turning up. Then something happened, an almost snap decision. It started with my manager essentially saying that to get to where he is now he had to take a cut in pay. He went from being paid more as a simple customer service assistant to manager and getting paid less. I don't even know how that works, but it's not where I want to be put it that way.

I'm playing with the idea of going back into studying full time, in something that I'm actually interested in. I haven't applied for anything yet, but the thought of going back to study genuinely excites me. If I'm going to be paid a minimum wage job, I'd rather it be in something I love. If I was happy in my work, I wouldn't care as much about working long hours or travelling a lot or even getting paid buttons. I'd know that I'm spending the majority of my day doing something I care about.

I know loving your job is luxury these days and I shouldn't be so picky given that so many people don't have a full time job, but it's a luxury I'm going to try and find. If I don't, at least I tried.

Thanks to all these thoughts, I was kind of bummed out on my birthday, especially after I told my mum I was considering going back to study. Luckily I have Craig and he made everything ten times better. He's actually one of the reasons I'm thinking about doing this, he almost earns double what I do, and I don't want him being the primary breadwinner any more, I'd like things to be fairer and even. Right now, we don't split the bills evenly, he pays for two thirds of rent, council tax etc. Mainly because if we'd to half it down the middle I'd have almost nothing left. So yeah, I'm doing it kind of for him too.

Anywhoozle, I'm off to go and enjoy the rest of my evening. I've got a new episode of Attack on Titan to watch - hopefully this time something exciting will actually happen. (stupid anime is dragging everything out now!)

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Do I use my phone too much?

"You're always on your phone.." - yeah, I am.

That's a sentence I hear maybe every other day or so. I'm always on my phone, either scrolling through Twitter and Instagram, reading blogs or maybe just browsing on Etsy for something cute to buy. But yeah, the point is, when I'm sitting about, my phone is usually in my hand or sitting next to me.

I pay £50 for my contract, of course I'm going to use it constantly - mainly to validate spending so much damn money on it each month.

So when it comes to phones, why are we constantly stuck in a position where we look down at a tiny screen rather than looking at the world around us? I'll tell you why, cause the world around us sucks. Most of the time.

Online you can cultivate your own little world full of people you want to talk to, things you want to see and read and generally keep your eyes fixed on things you're interested in. I can browse cute photos of animals to cheer myself up, I can look at newer and better ways to meal plan as I'm currently so bad at it, I can check my bank balance and cry at the lack of money I should have after spending so much on Etsy, I can look on pinterest for new ways to decorate my journal or some craft ideas. You get the picture.

I wouldn't say it's necessarily a bad things to be on your phone a lot of the time. I mean, I don't sit on my phone if I'm out and about with family or friends, but when I'm just sitting about or relaxing, I'm probably going to spend half an hour browsing through memes. Which, in my opinion, is always a good idea.

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5 ways to tell you're an introvert

After spending a whole weekend inside, only seeing Craig, I've realised that I'm definitely in the category of introvert. So I thought I'd write out five small ways to tell if you're an introvert. I've also added a scale at the bottom and put where I think I'd be. Not 100% sure, but maybe halfway between introvert and ambivert.

1. You prefer time spent alone.
I am definitely all for this one. I know Craig and I live together and I'm never really technically alone most of the time, but we spend an equal amount of our time in the flat doing our own thing. He has his hobbies and I have mine. We of course spend time together, but for at least a few hours each day I have time completely to myself. Which is glorious and I use it doing whatever I want. Mostly relaxing.. or sleeping.

2. You're more likely to stay quiet in a group discussion.
This is a difficult one for me, because I can and will voice my opinions if I need to, but I most definitely prefer staying back and sitting on the sidelines. I don't like being the centre of attention and knowing that everyone in the room is listening to me when I speak makes me super nervous. I'd much rather sit and listen to what others have to say and observe the situation than add my two cents.

3. You find small talk incredibly annoying.
I've said this countless times over, I hate small talk. I think it's because I know it comes across as insincere. Not a fan in any way. I'll participate, because it's rude otherwise, but inside I'm hating it.

4. You might find it difficult making new friends.
This one is me all over, I find it difficult to build and maintain friendships. In fact, the people I'd consider my closest friends have been that way for around eight years, mainly because I only really have one social group. I just don't know how to approach people. So many times I've seen someone tweet something and I'm like YES, I should be friends with you, and I don't because I'm too nervous to actually say anything.

5. Talking about yourself gives you the fear.
This one is probably my biggest problem, I hate talking about myself, especially in a professional context. I have to fill out these stupid report things in work where they assess your goals and you have to write down examples of when you've done something great and the other day when I was scheduled to do this, I felt almost physically sick. I hate the idea of having to sell myself to someone. I mean, it all just sounds so fake.

Where would you put yourself on the scale? Apparently most people generally fall under the bracket of ambivert and often feel like they have inner arguments with themselves about what kind of personality they actually have, which is interesting. I'd definitely say I'm more introvert and probably always will be.

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Does the blogging community need to chill?

I don't blog anywhere near as regularly as I used to. In fact, my blog following hasn't increased in probably around a year or so, simply because I pulled away from the blogging community as it had lost the fun appeal for me.

There is one simple reason to why I lost my interest in blogging - it got so serious.

I noticed it gradually happening and then, literally in what seemed like the space of a few weeks, blogging went from this casual thing that a lot of people took part in because it made them happy and brought like minded people closer together, to a competitive business that people took so mind-numbingly seriously.

Okay, let's get a few things straight first.

I'm fully aware that some people make a living from their blogs, from sponsored posts to ad revenue etc, which is totally fine and is actually pretty amazing. I'm also aware that a lot of people are trying to get to the point where they can make a living from it, which is also totally fine and well done to you for cultivating a business from a hobby.

That being said, for most bloggers out there, I'll refer you back to my last point there - Blogging is a hobby. At least from my perspective anyway. I don't know why this sudden in shift in blogging went from normal, every day people chatting about their daily lives and what things had interested them that week to full on daily posts about make up and fashion, where they've always got the newest item out or the latest make up release. First of all, how do you honestly afford to keep up with all the trends? Are you just doing it for the blog?

I liked it better when blogging was personal and you could see a person's personality shine through their words or their photos. Now, when I look at a lot of blogs, it's all very similar. The same reviews of the same products, the same style of posts and general lack of identity there used to be.

And then you have the other type of bloggers. The non-blogging bloggers. I'm talking about the Insta-Bloggers etc. The ones who have a theme of pastel and flowers and minimal photos. The ones that follow you for three days and then unfollow you again. The same people with 17,364 followers and they only follow 400. Again, there's no personality there. People ued to post things about their lives and now it's just a cultivated pinterest life that looks pretty but is now getting to be mega boring.

People take blogging way too seriously, in my opinion, and I think that it needs to be clawed back a little bit. Go back to posting your daily updates, photos you took of your pets, favourite songs at the moment. I miss posts like that. I miss people being real on their blog.

Let me know what you think or if you've shared the same thought about blogging. Or, if you think I'm being too cynical, let me know that, too.

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Sunday Five

one. We moved the guinea pigs and the rats into the spare room that was Craig's little computer room - mancave - so now they have loads of room to run around. We take the guinea pigs out daily for around half an hour to an hour to run around and stretch and then every second day I take them out for a few hours and sit in the room reading or playing the Breath of the Wild on the Nintendo Switch whilst keeping an eye on them. Still such an amazing game. The rats enjoy exploring too, but we need to keep a closer watch on them due to their tiny nature and their ability to hide in smaller in places. Like behind tables or inside my slipper boots..

two. I booked a flight to go down and see my dad. I haven't seen him in almost two years so it'll be weird to catch up. The circumstances for me going down to see him are actually very unfortunate, however I can try and put a positive spin on it. Like, I'll get to see my baby sister again, who I've only seen once. And I'll actually get to meet my baby brother for the first time! I also get to fly again, I love flying, so much easier and quicker than getting the train,

three. I ordered loads and loads of stickers from RedBubble, a website full of people's designs and prints and things. They have an app, which makes it very dangerous for me because I'm always looking at things to buy on my phone. I put the stickers all over my laptop, a few on my journals and a few on my wall. You can see the tiny little Charlie head from Always Sunny in Philadelphia at the top of my prints in the photo above. It's so cute.

four. I also ordered two prints from a lovely little Etsy shop, the Gemini print and the multi-coloured paint print are both from the same shop. The lovely lady who makes the prints sent them out super quick and even replied to my twitter message to thank me for my order. It really is the little things that make you happy.

five. I dyed my hair red. I said I would never dye my hair red again, after the amount of effort it took to get rid of it the last time, but here we are. I can't help myself. I honestly think I'll never escape having red hair. I actually tried to dye my hair pink, but in my lack of knowledge and skill with hair dye, it went red. I suppose I can always go over it again. My hair is already pretty damaged, what's one more dye?


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What I wish people knew about me

I often come across as an open book to a lot of people. I don't really have much of a filter for every day things, especially in work, where I should probably be filtering my thoughts the most. The trouble with this is that people think they know me really well, when in fact, anything that I do blurt out is trivial in light of the things that I'm really thinking or doing.

So to make up for this, here are a few things I wish people offline knew about me.

I don't like people in my personal space.
I'm not a touchy feely person, I kind of never have been. I don't like the whole cuddle someone every time you see them thing, I don't like people sitting too close to me so that our bodies are touching, I don't like knowing someone is standing right beside me with no space in between. It makes me feel physically weird. I mean, there are exceptions to this, with Craig or immediate family etc. Or, if you're upset and I feel you need a cuddle, then I'll do it. But you better appreciate it, because I did not want to do that.

I'm very sensitive about certain things.
I generally have a no care attitude to most things people can say about me, but there are a few small things that actually make me very sensitive. I don't like it when people call me thin, because I know I'm not, I just live in baggy clothes and know how to dress for my weight. I'm actually very conscious about my size. I don't like it when people look at me for too long, especially during a conversation. I find it very difficult to maintain eye contact for a long period of time.

I hate it when someone thinks I'm lying.
Something I've never been comfortable with is lying to people, and according to my dad - who would literally always catch me when I was lying - said it was very easy to spot it when I was trying to lie. So I stopped. Now, when I think someone thinks I'm lying, it makes me so angry and it ends up being a difficult situation. You try to convince them you're not lying and the more you try to do this, the more you look like a liar. It's a no-win scenario. A Kobayashi Maru. (Any Star Trek fans here? No? Okay.)

I'm almost always talking to myself in my head.
I've done this ever since I was very little. I wouldn't say I'm having conversations with myself, but I'm pretty much always playing through a film in my head by speaking the lines, singing away to myself, thinking of quotes from tv shows or generally just voicing what's going on around me. All internally, of course. Think of it like a J.D from Scrubs type thing, minus the head tilt.

I hate small talk.
I don't understand it. It's the same conversation, over and over. "Hi, how're you?", "I'm good, thanks. How're you?", "Yeah, good.". End of conversation. I don't mind the odd bit of small talk with someone I haven't seen in a while because I know that it will be leading to a real conversation. But daily conversations of the same thing make my eyes roll so hard.

So there you go, a teensy insight into me as a person. Which, in reality, all those points kind of make me look like a dick to people, but I promise I'm not. I just hide it all really well.

Anyone else feel the same way?


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Pretty Odd

I've never really considered myself to be one of the popular ones. From early childhood, right the way through to adulthood, I've always felt a little bit alienated from people. This was something I managed to hide fairly well in high school, pretending I was enjoying going to the pub every week and house parties every other weekend. When, in reality, I was more than happy staying at home to read or draw. Not even more than happy, I would have 100% preferred it. I enjoyed the once in a blue moon outing, but every week was a test of my ability to hide my inner introvert.

This is something I've chosen not to hide any more. I'm not a particularly sociable person and I don't have a problem not attending something simply because I don't want to, social pressure doesn't get to me any more. Don't get me wrong, I love my friends and spending time with them dearly, but I don't feel the need to see them every other day. That makes me sound like an insufferable drone, but honestly, they know me well enough to know that's just how I am.

With that being said, the thought of spending an evening curled up in a blanket watching a boxset or something on Netflix is far more appealing to me than going out to a bar, getting squished by people dancing and spending fifteen minutes trying to get a drink because I'm not booby enough to be noticed by the bar staff - sorry, but it's true.

It's taken me a while to accept this. I'm perfectly comfortable being a house-mouse in my own company.

Not too sure on the reason behind this post, think I'm feeling a bit thoughtful tonight.

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